Before I Wake
by Roguie
Summary: Just another day in the Cretaceous.  We know that one day an anomaly will open and bring them home, but until then, Abby and Connor must survive.  This is a story of life, laughter, 'n a little bit of love along the way.  Home is only what you make of it.
1. Unpacking

Before I Wake

By: Danae Bowen

Fandom: Primeval

Characters: Connor/Abby

Rating: G this chapter, can't guarantee later ones.

**Disclaimer: I so obviously don't own Primeval; I just like to borrow the characters and mutate their inner voices. Please don't sue, my house is small, my car is useless and my dogs are pains in the arse, but they're all I have.**

A/N: Though it's been done and quite possibly over done, my muse likes to play with things that've been beaten a bit and see if she can't freshen them up. As it stands right now, I'm missing Primeval horribly, I'm missing the youthful Connor and Abby that seemed to've been eaten by series four adult-type Connor and Abby. I'm missing Abby's laugh, and Connor falling on his arse. I'm missing Jenny and Danny and Sarah - tho I love Jess, don't get me wrong. So for just a little while I'm letting my muse play in the forests of the Cretaceous, and letting her believe nothing has changed, so she doesn't have to play in a world of maudlin darkness all the time. Don't really know how long this will be, others will be written as this one grows. This will be my playground for when my muse needs a pick me up from the lack of just all around fun moments that series four provided. In otherwise, forgive me for the fact that this idea is trite and well shelved by this point - I'm just a kid playing in the Primeval sandbox.

Spoilers: Up to the end of Series 3.

Summary: Just another day in the Cretaceous. We all know that one day an anomaly will open and bring them home to us, but until then, Abby and Connor must survive. This is a story of life, laughter, and a little bit of love along the way. Home is only what you make of it.

**~~~Part One: Unpacking **

"Ow."

Step.

"Ow."

Step.

"Ow."

Step.

"Ow."

"Really, Connor?" As they took another slow step into the unfamiliar wilderness, Abby Maitland sighed.

"Well, me foot hurts, doesn't it?"

"Doesn't mean you have to go around sounding like a wounded diictodon, does it?" The glare she cast in his direction faltered as she watched several levels of pain flicker across his sensitive brown eyes. "C'mon, then, looks like a bit of a nook we can rest in up ahead."

As they moved closer to the tiny bit of shelter Abby had spotted, Connor eyed the landscape. Granted, he wasn't a tracker like Stephen, but when it came down to it, he could recognize human footprints amongst the reptilian.

"Um, Abby?"

"What is it, Connor?"

He scratched the back of his neck nervously as he limped towards a fallen tree, eying what was certainly the impression of several bodies hitting the previously undisturbed ground. "Think we're walking in circles. Doesn't this look like the anomaly site to you?"

Abby glanced around, her eyes narrowed. "Yeah, could be, I s'pose."

"Yep, definitely the anomaly site. Look, here's our footsteps just starting out of nowhere. And here's the raptor prints from the flock that chased us."

It was funny how often Connor surprised her; two years ago he would've been sneezing and moaning, whinging on about getting home. Today, he was channelling Stephen Hart, able for once to correct Abby as she turned them the wrong direction. Pride swelled within her for the growth Connor had displayed, while externally she scowled at him, shaking her head, watching in satisfaction as his lower lip trembled slightly.

"Sorry," he muttered quickly, looking at the ground.

She gave a little. "Oh, Connor, s'alright, yeah? I'm not frustrated with you, just the situation." She moved beside him, resting a hand on his back. "You did pretty good picking up on all that. Really, Conn." She sighed again. "Right, this looks as good as any place. You all right to gather us some wood? I think I see a bit of a crevice over there we can make into a shelter."

Tasks assigned, Abby changed her focus to their survival. She kept a close ear on Connor as he limped through the nearby trees, gathering up as much dry tinder as he could carry. Brambles and thorns were surprisingly easy to come by as she and Connor worked swiftly, bending boughs and creating a rough thatched roof for their temporary home, lacing it in the natural defences that the vast forest offered. Dark fell early, long before they were expecting the sun to set; their home was no where near water proof, and something large could easily make it's way through the meagre roof they'd not yet reinforced, but it provided some shelter from the elements, and for now, would have to be enough.

They settled together in the small space, cross legged, stacking the tinder Connor'd collected to the side as they built the basics for a fire.

"Do you have a lighter?"

Connor shrugged. "Sorry, forgot to take up smoking, me."

She sighed. "What'd'ya have in your bag then? Anything we can use?"

He flushed hotly, fingering the top of his sack lightly. "Um, I've a few screwdrivers, two notebooks, couple of pens, two pairs of socks, ooh a knife!" He pulled the knife out of the bottom of the bag and tossed it towards Abby. "That'll help some. Um, hey, a magnifying glass." He frowned, "Dunno why that's in there, don't really remember putting it there."

"Jesus, Connor, don't you ever pack anything you can use in that thing?"

The look in his eyes burned brightly as he shrugged at her, scratching the back of his neck one more time. "Sorry, Abby, it's just… y'know, I don't always do all the action stuff. It's always: Connor, lock down the anomaly. Connor, identify that species. Connor, get us a coffee. Connor, fix this damned machine, now, if you know what's good for you! If you really want, Abby, I've got my computer here too, but once it's charge dies, what use is it, either?"

She frowned, "Don't you even have your medical pack? They're mandatory to bring along."

A deeper flush, another scratch at his neck. "Yeah, remember that stint at the airstrip? When I busted me head open? Jenny patched me up when you went off after Jack, 'n I've not gotten around to refilling it." He looked inside the bag and pulled out his decimated medical kit. "Bit of iodine, bit of gauze, some plasters, not much else I'm afraid."

She sighed, "I suppose we'll have to make do with mine then. You've at least got your mess kit, right?"

At that Connor grinned and pulled out the compact package that held his plate, cup and utensils. "Never leave home without it."

"Brilliant. In mine we've got a blanket, knife, mess and medical kits, spare socks, some rope, oh and a tranquillizer kit. That could come in handy if we find ourselves in a rough spot." She grinned. "And lucky for us, two torches, a package of waterproof matches, two sets of spare batteries and some dried rations."

Connor's eyes lit up as he edged closer to her. "Rations? Y'mean food, right? 'Cause I dunno about you but I'm proper starving!"

She rolled her eyes. "It's not exactly gonna feed us, y'know, Connor. Maybe take a bit of the edge off, but until Becker 'n Sarah find a way through, we're on our own."

He sighed, propping his bag up behind him, setting his head on the uncomfortable lump. "Either way, I'm still starved 'n you still have food. Hand it over, then."

She shook her head quietly, handing over a trail mix bar and a bit of dried meat, leaning back as she watched him dig into the meagre offerings eagerly. She nibbled away at a corner of her own bar, her appetite greatly reduced by their situation as she mulled over what options they had at hand.

"Abby?" His words were muffled by the small piece of jerky he was currently devouring.

"Yeah, Conn?"

"Don't suppose you've got any tea in your bag, do ya?" His eyes glittered brightly. "Or coffee even? Coffee'd be brilliant!"

She lifted an eyebrow, her lips twitching in amusement. "Only if you've got a bit of chocolate in yours."

He sighed. "Damn."

"Yeah," she murmured softly. "Damn."

~~TBC


	2. The More Things Change

Before I Wake

By: Danae Bowen

Fandom: Primeval

Characters: Connor/Abby

Rating: G this chapter, can't guarantee later ones.

**Disclaimer: I so obviously don't own Primeval; I just like to borrow the characters and mutate their inner voices. Please don't sue, my house is small, my car is useless and my dogs are pains in the arse, but they're all I have.**

A/N: Hey! There's a whole gaggle of people that missed the original Connor and Abby… I'm so glad I'm not alone! :D Thanks to everyone for the awesome reviews, you've no idea how much a few words can feed my muse! A story by me wouldn't be complete without an internal examination of something or another, so amid the fun…. Uh oh, a bit of plotty seriousness slipped in.

Summary: Just another day in the Cretaceous. We all know that one day an anomaly will open and bring them home to us, but until then, Abby and Connor must survive. This is a story of life, laughter, and a little bit of love along the way. Home is only what you make of it.

**~~~Chapter Two: The More Things Change…. **

For a period of time that was supposed to be notoriously sweltering, once the sun fell, Connor found he could barely feel the tips of his fingers. His fingerless gloves did nothing to keep in the warmth as he pulled his knees up to his chest, tucking his hands into the sleeves of his jacket.

Their shelter was small but the space between Connor and Abby seemed unsurpassable as he watched her breathing slow and evenly, secure under her silver blanket on the other side of the small room. He shivered again, pulling his hood up over his ears as he tried to find a comfortable way of resting his head against a bag that held nothing but useless electronics.

The thoughts that travelled through his mind bore no resemblance to what should have been there. Rather than devising a spectacularly cool way of being the hero, of rescuing them both and leaving time for saving Danny as well, Connor's thoughts cycled back to what amounted to the single best moment of his life. She'd kissed him. Abby Maitland had told him to shut up and pressed her lips to his, effectively cutting off his higher thought processes and grounding him to a single second in time.

He couldn't overcome the feeling of her lips pressed to his own, her hands in his hair, her breath mingling with his. He couldn't get past the feeling of her soft flesh drinking from his own, the experience of every single neuron in his body firing all at once, blanking out the world in a series of white flashes of energy, filling him, casting upon him an immunity to anything bad that could ever happen. He kicked himself repeatedly for not threading his own fingers into her hair, for not holding her to him when she'd made her escape. He silently berated himself for the next day when she'd come to see him, setting up a reason so obviously false that it'd be laughable, only for him to open his mouth and swallow his foot to the knee.

"No weird areas here."

Nope, no weird areas at all, just that space that existed between his ears. There'd been no time to talk since then; a herd of prehistoric rhinoceroses, the reappearance of Helen Cutter, the death of Christine Johnson, and the mad dash through time and place to stop the extinction of the human species. All compacted into the span of a few hours that kept them too busy to even make eye contact much less sit down to hash out their own feelings. Not that she'd been particularly receptive to any of that kind of talk, anyway. Not that he'd know where to begin if she had.

Over and over the moment twisted through his mind, turning from something beautiful to something dreadful, and as his body slowly shut down, embracing the temporary escape provided by a few hours of restless sleep, the kiss, the talk, the lot of it shuttered frame by frame behind his eyes, leaving a permanent red stain upon his cheeks.

~~~.

Abby wasn't sure how long she'd slept before a strange sound pulled her from the darkness. They'd lived together long enough that Abby was familiar with Connor's presence, his scent, the very feel of him in the room with her and as she came to herself, her heart stuttering with panic as she recognized where she lay, she was calmed by the sound of his breathing nearby. Until the noise came again.

It was soft, quiet, almost muffled but nearby. She reached for her bag, pulling out a torch and flipping the switch, covering the harshness of the beam with her hand as she glanced around the small shelter. As the sound came again, she was finally able to identify the source, her eyes falling upon Connor's sleeping form, his muscles tense, body shivering. The sound was a whimper that would come every few minutes, shuddering past his lips as his cheeks flushed and he cringed.

"Shhh, Conn," she whispered softly, moving closer to him, resting her hand against the side of his neck, stroking his cheek with her thumb.

His eyelashes fluttered gently, his breath catching before he whimpered softly again, shivering against her. "'M sorry 'm weird," he muttered, almost unintelligibly, his thoughts still caught tightly in the grip of his dreams.

She chuckled under her breath, leaning down to rest her head against his chest, pulling the blanket over them both. "Yeah, well, we both must be proper nutters, 'cause I still like you, weird 'n all."

Whatever dream held him hostage refused to let go, but at the very least the shivers faded from his body and the whimpers quietened down to an occasional moan. She snuggled down against him, secretly grateful for the warmth and comfort of his body against her, holding the reality of their situation at bay for at least the few hours they could afford to rest.

Abby wasn't stupid; she knew that eventually, when the shelter was built, when they'd figured out their food and water situation, when they ran out of things to distract themselves with they'd start talking of home. When that started, they'd move onto memories, a desperate attempt to keep themselves attached to what couldn't be reached. When memories came, they'd look at each other uncomfortably, and she'd see that hurt question in his eyes and she'd have nowhere left to go.

Why'd you kiss me and run, Abs?

Why'd you take it back?

She could field those questions with easy lies, she figured, but the one question she dreaded seeing in those warm, brown eyes of his was the one she'd see the moment after she'd shut him down.

Why'm I not good enough for you, Abby? Why'm I never good enough for you?

How would she find the words to tell him that she wasn't good enough for him? This boy, this man below her fingertips had sacrificed everything for her without thought. He'd given up his home when her brother needed one. He'd laid down his life when she'd needed saving. He'd offered up his dignity when she needed protecting, and his love when she'd needed reassuring. For three years every action he'd taken in his life was for her best interest, never his own, and that left Abby with nothing to offer in return. How could she ever be enough to warrant everything Connor had done, will do and would do given the chance, all for the Abigail Maitland that he envisioned?

She closed her eyes and shivered, the trembles this time having nothing to do with the unexpected chill in the air. He'd put her on a pedestal so high in the air that when his eyes finally opened like they invariably would, when he recognized Abby for the damaged human she was, when he realized she wasn't everything he'd always imagined, she would fall, and the trip down would destroy her.

How could she tell Connor she'd taken back that kiss because she never wanted him to change the way he saw her? That she'd never be able to put the pieces back together when the fantasy died and they both came crashing back to Earth?

~~~.

It was the sun beaming down through the holes in their thatched roof that finally pried Connor's eyes open, forcing him to face his third day in the Cretaceous. His stomach rumbled loudly, and his every muscle complained from the short night spent on the cold ground. It wasn't until he tried sitting up that he recognized the soft weight pressed against his chest, holding him in place. An uncertain grin broke over his features as he quietly ran his fingers up Abby's back, relishing the stolen moment that allowed him to touch her without question.

The moment could only hold for so long, however, and soon she stirred. He closed his eyes against the feeling of her stretching out against him, her soft body pressing into him in ways he'd only just imagined, her fingers tightening against his jacket as she yawned and sat upright.

"'Morning," she murmured, stretching again as she forced her senses awake.

"Mhmm," he replied, mimicking her stretch as he cracked open an eye, watching her with undisguised candour. "G'morning, miss, I'll have the eggs 'n bacon, some toast and butter and a caramel cappuccino, if you would." He grinned. "Just bring it to my chamber, I'll be having breakfast in bed this morning."

She lifted an eyebrow, her lips twitching in amusement as she opened the flap on her bag. "We appear to be clean outta any of that, sir, allow me instead to replace your request with a tasty trail mix bar, 'n if you like, you can fetch some water from the creek nearby to parch your thirst." Abby climbed to her feet, offered Connor a mock bow, and with a giggle tossed him one of the remaining bars. She failed to mentioned that only left two bars in her bag, and he failed to notice that she'd not taken one for herself.

Instead, they accompanied each other down to the creek, Connor crunching away on the nut and berry mixture as they washed themselves clean of the last few days and drank deeply from the cool, pure liquid nature offered. He supposed it was his own fault for not paying attention, but he was honestly startled when a weight struck his back, knocking him off balance, his still aching ankle giving away and tumbling them both forward into the river.

He spluttered and coughed, panicking for a moment as he fought to find his footing in the loose sands, quickly pulling himself out from under the water and thrusting his head up above the waterline.

"Abby!"

She grinned at him from her own position a few meters away, neck deep in the crystal clear river.

"Lesson number one of surviving in the Cretaceous, never let your guard down." She winked at him, taking the opportunity to duck under the water again, rinsing out her short hair.

He grumbled under his breath, shivering as his leather coat soaked up the moisture around him. "Yeah, right. Lesson number one, never turn your back on Abby Maitland."

Her blonde head bobbed back up. "Did you say something, Connor?"

He couldn't help himself, grinning as he shook his head. "Not me, quiet as a mouse over here. Wouldn't want to run the risk of attracting something more dangerous than you, yeah?"

His joke fell suddenly flat as the laughter faded from her eyes and she scanned the riverbed in sudden concern. "Yeah. You're right, y'know? Maybe we should take turns, one of us should keep guard."

He sighed as he climbed out of the water, taking off his jacket and laying it out over a rock to dry. Silently he cursed his ever present foot in mouth disease, wishing for nothing more than to be back in the chilly water, bathing at Abby's side. Instead, he settled down, eyeing the beautiful blonde in the crystal water with a longing gaze. He swallowed his sadness and forced a sparkle into his chocolate brown eyes.

"Hey, Abby, y'know maybe you should take off a bit more kit, yeah? Can't be good for you to bathe completely clothed." His tone was teasing, his eyes twinkling as he cocked his head to the side, prepared for a shower of scathing words. Instead, he was shocked as she swam closer to the shore, grinning up at him.

"You know, you may be right," she said, a little too over pronounced as she stripped her soaking jacket from her shoulders. Her blue eyes sparked and lit up like fireworks, drawing in his complete attention even as she spun the dripping coat from her fingertips, landing it gracefully across his face. "Was a good try, though, Conn."

He groaned as he pulled the jacket off his head, spreading it out next to his own. "Yeah, well, if you need any help scrubbing your back, I'll be right here… watching… for something dangerous." He sighed. "Or the like."

~~~TBC


	3. Sweat, Hunger and Boys with Spears

Before I Wake

By: Danae Bowen

Fandom: Primeval

Characters: Connor/Abby

Rating: G this chapter, can't guarantee later ones.

**Disclaimer: I so obviously don't own Primeval; I just like to borrow the characters and mutate their inner voices. Please don't sue, my house is small, my car is useless and my dogs are pains in the arse, but they're all I have.**

A/N: Okay, so it's amazing the things you can think of doing when you've got an entire human free era to play with. :D So, here's the thing: I'm opening up the sandbox. I don't know about everyone else, but I've spent the last few months annoyed beyond words that we had 15 minutes of Cretaceous and no connect between then and now. I want to know what happened to bring these two to the serious individuals we've been reintroduced to… which leads to thinking… imagining… writing. So my question to you all, is what is the one biggest thing you wonder about during their time? I will happily work off prompts as I go and since I've a year and a bit to cover, I can take as many suggestions as you see fit to throw at me. - And sweaty naughtiness is a given, not a prompt. LOL

Summary: Just another day in the Cretaceous. We all know that one day an anomaly will open and bring them home to us, but until then, Abby and Connor must survive. This is a story of life, laughter, and a little bit of love along the way. Home is only what you make of it.

**~~~Part Three: Sweat, Hunger and Boys with Spears**

He was sweltering. It was ridiculous for the weather to change so dramatically between sun up and sun down, but he supposed - full ozone, lack of pollution, no cities buzzing with electricity, all of that made a difference.

Now, as sweat trickled thickly down his back, Connor stripped off his jacket, pulled away his hoodie, and tossed his t-shirt somewhere close by. He was struggling with their thatched roof, ensuring that, to any predator passing, it would appear nothing more than a briar patch. He'd pulled up sod from the side of the river, cutting it away from the terrain with his knife, layering it under the brambles for insulation. The next layer was made up of leaves, all gathered with care, entwined under the sod and over each other for water proofing. It wasn't perfect, not by any means, but Connor figured that, barring a monsoon, they'd be pretty all right for a while.

He limped to the pile of bramble they'd cut away and continued layering it overtop of the sod. Inch by inch the crevice Abby'd discovered yesterday became unrecognizable, nestled between two ancient trees, its entrance small and indiscernible. Subsequently, Connor avoided looking down at his fingers, once sensitive and precious to him, he'd no doubt they looked more like ground meat now. With a mental shrug he carried on, sweat trickling down between his now bare shoulder blades, hair plastered to his head, dirt in his eyes and blood on his hands.

~~~.

Berries were not abundant in the Cretaceous, no matter what the palaeontologists may have said. She was likely no more than a fifteen minute walk from their shelter (home) (shelter!), but the distance between her and Connor made her nervous. She circled back, eying the landscape for anything edible as she moved, cataloguing potential food sources in Connor's notebook as she went.

She'd never done poorly at sketching, and now, as she took down the features of a tuber that seemed to grow in abundance, she was impressed with the sketch's qualities. With luck, Connor'd have record of it on his laptop, and they'd have an idea as to whether it was edible. She did the same with the one species of berry she'd come across, as well as the meaty growth on the crop of trees just north of their campsite.

She looked up as she came to the clearing they currently called home, surprised, first to find their shelter nearly unrecognizable from other such briar patches in the area. Second, she found herself quite speechless as Connor appeared from behind their shelter, reaching up and across to lay down a new layer of bramble to protect their roof. His muscles expanded with the slight effort, his pale flesh darkened by the few hours spent in the blistering sun.

His normally unruly hair was plastered flat, his bangs hanging well into his eyes. She watched as he casually brought his hand to the back of his neck, an action he repeats a hundred times a day, but for a single moment it was different. His chest tightened as her stomach clenched, his arms rippled as her breath stalled, her heart pounded loudly as she watched him sip cool water from his metal cup, relishing the small break from the long day of labour he'd performed. It startled her how differently she looked at him now, no longer the invading lump on her sofa, but someone welcome in her life, desired even.

Her mouth dried quickly as he looked up to see her in the distance, and his genuine Connor Temple smile broke across his features. Her heart caught in her throat as he stole her breath away, her best friend and companion, looking at her as if she were the only woman on earth.

She giggled then, breaking the moment for herself, not allowing too much time to dwell on Connor's naked, glistening chest. Her eyes danced as her laughter bubbled past her lips. He eyed her curiously as she approached, cocking his head to the side.

"What's so funny?"

She giggled again. "I'm the only girl in the world."

His face gentled as he lifted a bloody hand to scratch the back of his neck, shrugging slightly. "Haven't you always been, then?"

How could someone steal away her breath twice in just a moment's time?

~~~.

"You did a really good job on the shelter, Connor."

He preened a little, a flush staining his cheeks even as he scratched his neck and offered her a lopsided grin.

"No seriously! This is impressive!"

They watched through the small entrance as torrents of rain poured down, soaking the world around them, their little nest warm and dry.

He grinned again. "Yeah, but you brought the water proof matches, 'n blanket, 'n rations even. All I brought was my stupid computer."

She shifted and leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder as though they were back at the flat, spending a quiet evening watching movies. "The computer that has a full data base of edible plant life that could potentially save us from poisoning ourselves in ignorance?"

"Yeah," he muttered, his tone dull.

"Yeah," she reinforced, punching his thigh lightly.

"'Kay, so we're both equally 'stuck in the Cretaceous' level geniuses, then."

"Yep, we are."

A half hour passed in silence, and Connor twitched, loving the feel of Abby in his arms but growing bored with the lack of activity.

"Hey, Abby?"

She lifted an eyebrow, catching the mischievous tone in his voice. "Yeah, Connor?"

"Wanna watch Star Wars?"

She actually choked she was so shocked at the suggestion. "We're seventy five million years in the past Connor, how the hell are you gonna manage that?"

He grinned a little sheepishly. "I forgot I was watching it on me laptop, actually, so it's kinda still in the tray."

Her sigh was over exaggerated, but even Abby had to admit, as the music started, she was grateful for a last touch of the real world before the absolute finality of their situation descended.

Half way through the destruction of the death star, Abby blinked sleepily. "Connor, what about the battery?"

He shrugged. "Was dying anyway. Doubt it'd've made it through tomorrow."

"Oh," she settled her head back against this shoulder and closed her eyes.

~~~.

She was alone the next morning when she opened her eyes. Connor was uncharacteristically up before her. She stretched and climbed out the small entrance, grinning as she spotted their cups over flowing with fresh rain water.

She drank greedily from the small bounty, the purity of the pollution free liquid refreshing her as she looked around the small clearing, spotting Connor sitting on a rock near the tree line. She easily caught the concerned look on his face as he whittled away at a tree branch held delicately in his battered hands.

She cocked her head to the side, concern clouding her blue eyes. "Penny for your thoughts?" she murmured, moving behind him to rest her hands on his shoulders.

When he didn't smile she knew it had to be serious.

"When's the last time you ate anything, Abby?" he asked quietly, thunder brewing his in his chocolate eyes.

She shrugged. "I dunno really, Connor. I had a bit of a bar yesterday, didn't I?"

"There were two in your bag when I grabbed one last night, one this morning. How many did you bring?"

She ran a hand through her short hair, flashing a fake smile and offering a shrug. "I dunno, really. Four or five, I suppose."

"Right, 'n I've had three and there's one left, so in four days you've eaten a single nut bar and nothing else."

She shrugged, stepping away from the tension in his body she now recognize as anger. "If you say."

He didn't advance on her, didn't raise a hand, he didn't even raise his voice as the look he gave her made her wither and shrink back. He climbed to his feet and turned his back on her, moving across the clearing as a sudden, unreasonable terror broke over her.

"Connor?" Her voice was barely more than a deep whisper. "Where're you going?"

He looked back, his teeth ground tightly together. "Going to get us some food, Abby. 'N while I'm gone, you need to eat that last bar, 'kay? 'Cause you're not getting outta this so easy."

She watched as he disappeared into the forest surrounding them, running a hand through her short hair.

"That went well," she muttered to herself as she returned to their shelter, opened her bag and grabbed the last bar.

~~~.

Spear fishing was way harder than it looked.

The first hour Connor stood quietly in a shallow spot in the river, waiting for any sign of life. As the sun grew higher and hotter in the sky, the world burst into vivid momentum, including the marine life that appeared out from under rocks, leaves, and nooks and crannies he never even realized existed. The one thing that struck Connor as he stood there was that if he could master this form of fishing, there would always be an abundant supply of food for them both.

His brow furrowed in an attempt at concentration as he eyed the dark shapes below, though he was distracted by thoughts of Abby suddenly overshadowing his activities. His anger with her was unjustified, he understood that he over reacted, but what he couldn't fathom was what was going through her mind. To have not eaten for four days, to continue feeding him their dwindling supply of nutrients with no mention of how little they had. To have tossed him a bar, knowing full well in a day they'd have nothing, and to have not taken a single piece for herself. It was ridiculous, the actions of someone gone completely mad, and his mind struggled to come to terms with her actions. He highly doubted she'd been trying to kill herself, not Abby, not his Abby of the bright blue eyes and constant smile, even while she's busy giving him hell. He certainly doubted she'd not been hungry, if she was half as hungry as he, the arse end of a rhino would seem appetizing at this point. The only reasoning left is that she was hoarding the food for Connor, sacrificing her own comfort and possibly her own health for his.

Which meant…

No. It couldn't.

Could it?

She'd kissed him and it was good. Damn good. Really, bloody, fantastically beyond brilliant, marvellously good. Perfect, even.

She took it back.

She didn't mean it.

Wait. Didn't mean what? The kiss or the take back?

A dark form passed close to Connor's feet, drawing his attention back to the task at hand. Abby required food, and he certainly wouldn't pass up a hot meal for another night of dried jerky and nuts. He focussed, forcing his attention on the fleeting shadows circling in front of him.

"Steady, Connor," he mumbled, then quickly jabbed the spear through the icy layers of water, into… nothing.

Over and over he speared empty water, growing frustrated with his failures as the day grew longer. Finally, several hours later, long after the wounds on his hands reopened into weeping blisters, his spear drove through something soft and fleshy before hitting the sandy riverbed. He blinked in surprise, jerking back on the stick, the unexpected weight of the fish causing him to over compensate, and he tumbled backwards, his back slapping the water loudly as disappeared under the crystal surface.

"Ow," he spluttered, coming up for air before startling back into action, retrieving his spear and the large specimen of marine life attached to the end.

The sound came quietly and from behind him, almost going unheard as he scrambled, dripping, onto the shore. His eyes narrowed.

"How long've you been standing there?" His voice was sheepish, fingers wringing out his shirt as a still giggling Abby appeared from behind a bush.

"Not long," she lied easily, cocking her head to the side as she eyed the prehistoric fish.

He wagged his eyebrows at her, grinning triumphantly as his embarrassment was forgotten. "Caught us some dinner, didn't I?"

She grinned. "I suppose you did, and here I thought I caught you going for a swim."

They walked back to their shelter in a comfortable silence; Abby immediately started their small fire as Connor eyed the fish and frowned.

"Um, Abby? I don't know the first about cleaning a fish," he admitted, suddenly, staring at their meal in confusion.

Abby groaned, covering her eyes with a pale hand. "Honestly? Neither do I."

He sighed, shaking his head. "We're proper buggered, aren't we?"

She shrugged, grabbing a knife and slicing easily into the creature's belly, grimacing as organs spilled out from the wound. "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger."

His lip curled as he mimicked her earlier groan. "'Round here everything might just kill us."

She grinned. "Yeah. The way I see it, this is better than going to the gym."

Connor sighed. "You're just plain weird."

~~~TBC


	4. The Great Divide

Before I Wake

By: Danae Bowen

Fandom: Primeval

Characters: Connor/Abby

Rating: G this chapter, can't guarantee later ones.

**Disclaimer: I so obviously don't own Primeval; I just like to borrow the characters and mutate their inner voices. Please don't sue, my house is small, my car is useless and my dogs are pains in the arse, but they're all I have.**

A/N: Okay, so it's amazing the things you can think of doing when you've got an entire human free era to play with. :D So, here's the thing: I'm opening up the sandbox. I don't know about everyone else, but I've spent the last few months annoyed beyond words that we had 15 minutes of Cretaceous and no connect between then and now. I want to know what happened to bring these two to the serious individuals we've been reintroduced to… which leads to thinking… imagining… writing. So my question to you all, is what is the one biggest thing you wonder about during their time? I will happily work off prompts as I go and since I've a year and a bit to cover, I can take as many suggestions as you see fit to throw at me. - And sweaty naughtiness is a given, not a prompt. LOL

Summary: Just another day in the Cretaceous. We all know that one day an anomaly will open and bring them home to us, but until then, Abby and Connor must survive. This is a story of life, laughter, and a little bit of love along the way. Home is only what you make of it.

**~~~Part Four: The Great Divide**

Connor sat alone, high on a cliff, watching the waters run through the valley that separated him from Abby. They'd been trapped in the Cretaceous for seven days, trapped apart for two. His ankle ached, his head ached, his hands ached, and even though his clothing had dried by now, he still felt chilled to the bone.

He'd made a temporary shelter out of a massive tree he'd found, living inside the enormous trunk in a space that had already been carved out by time. He'd blockaded the entrance with shrub and bramble and hung vine from a low hanging branch in case he needed a quick escape, but his eyes continued travelling the distance between his new home and the home he and Abby had laboured to build.

His thoughts travelled back over how he'd managed to get to this point, and he sighed, berating himself for his own stupidity. The fifth morning they'd awakened, curling into each other as the sound of a small group of nearby raptors filled their tiny den, he'd decided that waiting around for something to happen was perhaps not in their best interest. When the raptors moved off westward, he'd grabbed his rucksack and some of the fish they'd cooked the night before and looked out over the forest.

The concern in Abby's eyes tugged at his heart, but he froze himself to it as he pulled his jacket tight around his body.

"Going to go see if there's any trace of Danny." He said quietly, his back to her so that his resolve wouldn't bend.

"I can go with you, y'know." Was her only response, though he could feel the tension building in her tiny body.

"Yeah, but someone needs to find food for the day. That fish'll only last through the morning. We'll need something for supper and you've already got the best gathering spots picked out." He shrugged. "Besides, me ankle's well healed, just a bit sore, and I'll only be gone a few hours, if that.

She didn't argue with him, just looked out at the sky and sighed. "Looks like we're expecting a storm tonight, just come home before then."

He nodded and stepped forward; it wasn't until he reached the edge of their clearing that he turned, catching sight of her crystal eyes, large and watery, her arms wrapped around her own body for comfort as she watched him walk away.

He'd moved through the forest at a quick pace, keeping an ear out for predators as he climbed down the cliff he found to the east and through what looked to be a dried ravine. Climbing the other side was the hardest, the ground loose and uneven beneath his hands and feet as he struggled to reach the top. Thinking back on it, he realized now that he should have turned around, the loose dirt indicating a well eroded landscape, but he'd soldiered to the top, looking over the huge sunken landmass with pride when he reached his goal. Danny'd come this way, and so far he'd had no indication of where the elder man may have disappeared to.

When the rains started, he'd gone about an hour from the ravine. When the rains heavied, he turned around, huddling down into his drenched jacket, using his hoodie to stave off the worst of the cold, wet liquid making him shiver. When he'd reached the dip in the land that he'd crossed without care, a cold terror took hold. The rains were building up and up, water gathering and flowing heavier through the rip in the land, already a meter or better deep.

"No, no, no, no, no!" he muttered to himself, instantly lowering over the side, hanging on to what was once loose dirt and now suddenly slippery mud between his fingers. "No!" The roots in the side of the land were the only thing holding him up as he struggled down. His fingers cried out in sheets of agony as they held his body to the land in protest, and half way down he realized, even if he survived the journey across the water, he'd not make it up the other side. His eyes travelled to the route he'd just taken, and with a half defeated sigh, he began climbing back up the unsteady landscape.

He saw the root beginning to give away before he felt the pull of gravity. He'd not even had time to register the fall before he hit the viciously cold water with his back, every drop shooting through him like cut glass as he spluttered and broke the surface, struggling against the flow threatening to pull him away from where he'd crossed. He cried out, as he forced himself to his feet, the waist deep water battering him as he took step by painful step, unsure now which side he'd come down as all he cared about was reaching somewhere solid.

~~~.

When the rains stopped and the sun came out once more, Abby stretched, leaning out the entrance to their shelter and glancing around. The freshness of the land after such a heavy torrent amazed her, everything was green and revitalized and most of the ground was already dried from the heat threatening to build in the air. All in all, her sixth day in the Cretaceous was gorgeous.

"Connor?" She called out, expecting that he'd been caught by the downfall somewhere on his way back to their shelter and spent the night someplace dry nearby.

She moved in the direction he'd left, calling out for him softly every few minutes. It didn't take long before the sound of rapidly running water reached her ears, and she frowned, knowing that the river they'd fished and bathed in had been the only close water source the day before. She turned, working her way towards the noise, edging towards the bank as she looked over in surprise. The heavily flowing water was at least three meters high, violently crashing against rock and bank as it rushed through the cut in the otherwise flat land. The scientist in her understood that this break in the land was a throughway for the entire region, a natural defence against the violent storms to prevent the flood and destruction of the land. The woman in her panicked as her sharp eyes picked up the sleeve of a black jacket caught half in and half out of the flow.

"Connor!"

"Abby?"

A sharp sigh of relief escaped her lips as she caught sight of her companion a few meters down, clinging to the edge of the ravine.

"God, Connor, what're you doing there?"

He half laughed, half groaned. "Oh, y'know, just hanging around. Nah, seriously, figured I should get in some rock climbing practice during a down pour. Never know when you'll need those skills, yeah?"

"Ah." She nodded. "You fell in."

"Little bit, yeah."

She paused, glancing along the dirt walls. "So, any ideas on how you're getting out?"

He shrugged the best he could, closing one eye against the sun as he peered up at her. "Not really, no." He sighed. "Look, this really isn't as bad as it seems. This'll all be gone 'n dried up in a day or two, so I'll be able to climb back up the way I got down, yeah? So it's just a matter of getting back to the top now and waiting it out." He grinned. "Can't be that hard, right?"

She smiled at him uncertainly as he reached over his head, the rise of the sun displaying the hand holds and foot holds he couldn't see in the black of night. Abby swallowed thickly as she watched him take one unsteady step after another, rising higher over the water level, half way up the river wall. When a root gave away, his momentum knocked Connor back until he hung from a single handhold, a cry bitten off sharply as he struggled to regain security, Abby's heart stuttered heavily in her chest, forcing a hand to her throat to hold in the violent beat.

"Connor, be careful!"

Connor rolled his eyes, gritting his teeth as he took another step upwards. "I'm doing the best I can, Abby."

She frowned harder, gripping her hands together in tight fists helpless, left only to watch. "Yeah, well, I'll have you know, I'm not good at fishing, so don't fall in."

His laughter surprised him, given the situation, so he afforded a single second to glance over his shoulder and flash her his brightest grin, comforting her even now from a distance. He returned his attention to the climb, one hand over the other, one foot a bit higher than the next, distance dropping away with seeming ease. When his hand broke over the bank, reaching out and gripping a rock to haul himself upwards and to safety, he heaved a sigh of relief, dropping to his back, every muscle shivering and shaking with exertion and exhaustion.

"Remind me," he panted out heavily, "When we get home," he closed his eyes, "To avoid all instances of anything that may involve climbing, or heights… or water. I'm considering adding rocks into that but I reckon I should be reasonable. Rocks are awfully hard to avoid. Just when you think you're safe, they sneak into your shoe."

It was hard to stop the laughter from escaping as Abby sank to her knees, relief making her light headed. "How long before you can cross?"

He shrugged, glancing down at the river below. "A day or two. The way that water's moving means it's draining off somewhere, without a permanent source it should run itself dry pretty quickly."

"You'll be all right?"

He laughed. "'Course. I'm indestructible Connor! Conquering raging rivers without a thought; a day or two alone in the Cretaceous… no worries here!"

The look she flashed him was unflattering, shaking her head as she turned away. "Just… try to be safe, Conn. 'S all I'm saying."

His expression sobered as he cocked his head to the side, watching as she moved back into the forest, back towards their home. "Yeah. Be safe."

~~~.

One their eighth morning in the Cretaceous, Connor groaned in frustration. The water, which should have been receding much faster than it was, still flowed violently through the channel created. He couldn't tell from a distance how high the levels were, and finally decided he didn't care. He was sick to death of sleeping in a tree, sick to death of not having Abby at his side, and sick to death of eating berries since he'd not brought anything with him to make a fire.

Decision made, he worked his way back to the ravine, glancing up to make sure that Abby was no where near to watch as he made his way over the bank and began the long descent to the bottom.

It was a struggle, he wasn't denying that. The rapid wet/dry the land went through made dirt crumble between his fingers and below his feet, but he made it to the bottom without incident. Once down, he realized that the rapidly flowing water was no higher than his hips, which made the trek across the instant river fairly simple. The temperature of the water was a drastic change to the temperature of the day; above the waist, Connor was sweating, hot and sticky, all around just another day in the Cretaceous. Below the waist, however, he had his doubts he'd ever convince his testicles to remerge from where they'd run to hide from the bitter cold of the water splashing up and working it's way into every crevice of his lower body. He was miserable as he carefully picked his footing across the rocky bed, rushing so as to not spend more time than necessary in the numbing chill. For once, gravity worked with him and Connor made it across the riverbed, pausing on the other side to look up and sighing. He still had a long way to go.

~~~.

It was hard to stay positive without Connor. Abby sighed as she gathered a bag full of berries, roots and bulbs for that day's food, only putting a half effort into her choice as she struggled against the sadness of knowing she'd be returning to their shelter to spend yet another night alone. It wasn't that she was afraid, for the most part the local animals had left her to her own, and she'd been doing fine for food and water, it was just the overwhelming loneliness that was making every day that much longer.

Connor's presence had been a staple in her life for years, at work, at home, and most of the time at play as well. Though their tastes in genre and activities came no where near to each other, they'd made it mesh, made it work for them. She grinned to herself as she thought of them dividing the lounge, Connor on the television playing his Xbox, Abby in a corner, working through her stretching exercises. It amazed her now how she'd not realized earlier on that Connor tended to lose his games far more frequently during those times than when she was feeding the lizards or making dinner. Her loneliness now was coupled by the fact she'd grown accustomed to having Connor's eyes on her; he watched her constantly with a sweet, awing gaze that always managed to force her to see her own self worth, to put her at ease, and though for a long time she didn't recognize it, his eyes on her always made her feel well loved.

She sighed, turning to make her way back to their shelter. Head down, lost in her thoughts, Abby walked into their clearing without checking for safety first, which left her crying out with surprise and dropping her bag of carefully gathered vegetation when a dark shadow flitted quickly across the clearing to dive into the opening of the shelter, forcing the homemade walls to tremble.

"Oi!" She called, hoping to scare whatever had made it's way into her home.

"Ab."

She blinked. Could she have heard that right?

"Connor?"

With a wry chuckle, Connor stuck his head out of the entrance. "Hi."

She breathed a sigh of relief, a huge grin breaking over her face as she moved quickly towards him. "What're you doing, idiot? You scared the hell out of me!"

He held up one hand, stopping her in her tracks as his cheeks turned bright red. "Yeah. Um. Could you stay over there, please."

She frowned, shaking her head as she kept moving forward. The closer she got, the redder Connor turned, and the more tanned, naked flesh came into view. A grin tugged up one corner of her mouth and her blue eyes began to sparkle brightly. "You naked, Connor?"

"Abby…"

"You without kit?"

"Abby…" She moved a little closer, cocking her head and lifting her eyebrows as she caught full view of him from chest down, denied anything further as Connor thought quickly and pulled her blanket over his hips. "Abby, please!"

She laughed harder, the relief at having him back with her wiping away any other reaction she could consider. "What happened, Conn? Raptor eat your shorts?"

He frowned at her, but his expression relaxed slightly and his own eyes sparkled as he climbed out of the shelter, and wrapped the blanket firmly around his hips, cutting short her view of any naked, naughty bits. "If you must know, the river was still high so everything's still wet." He nodded towards his clothing laid out on a nearby rock. "I didn't fancy catching my death of cold."

A thousand smart ass remarks ran across Abby's expression as she tried to settle on just one; her pause of consideration proved to be her downfall, however, as Connor picked on her hesitation and grinned, finding a deep courage to stand up to the brash blonde.

"How about we leave it at this: I'm naked and you're not, so unless you're willing to even the score and take off a bit of kit yourself, we'll not discuss it any further."

Knowing that if she took a single moment to be flustered, Connor would win, Abby flashed him her most saucy grin, shrugging her jacket from her shoulders and letting it drop to the clearing floor. "And what would you do if I, say, took off my shirt, right now, Conn?"

Too shocked to speak, Connor instantly choked, his dark eyes wide, his jaw half open as images of a topless Abby danced across his mind.

"Yeah, thought as much." She grinned again, casting a single glance across his body, from ankle to collar bone, before turning to pick up her discarded bag of food. "Think you need to jump back in that river, Connor. Take advantage while the water's still cold."

Connor's eyes closed as he shivered dramatically, giving his best impression of the old expression "turning beet red."

~~~TBC


	5. Need to Know

Title: Before I Wake - Need to Know Basis

Author: Roguie/ Sunspecops/ Danae Bowen

Fandom: Primeval

Characters: Connor/Abby

Rating: Um… probably 14 up for this one.

Summary: Just another day in the Cretaceous. We all know that one day an anomaly will open and bring them home to us, but until then, Abby and Connor must survive. This is a story of life, laughter, and a little bit of love along the way. Home is only what you make of it.

Disclaimer: I so obviously don't own Primeval, I just like to borrow the characters and mutate their inner voices. Please don't sue. My house is small, my car is useless and my dogs are pains in the arse, but they're all I have.

Warning: A not particularly graphic but described abuse scenario - non sexual in nature, however it crosses woman, child and animal abuse. First part and third part of this chapter are safe to read without the description if you're sensitive or squeamish. Thanks!

~~~/

It always amazed her how something so blindingly obvious could strike her with such a shock. She supposed it had started before they'd come to the Cretaceous, probably before Jack had arrived even. Could have been during one of his overzealous hugs, she supposed his body could have rubbed against hers just so, her fingers could have dug deeply into his arms and the hidden muscles there could have surprised her. The point was, some how, somewhere down the line, Connor Temple had gotten under her skin and wormed his way into her heart.

It was so obvious now, as she sat on a warm rock, keeping an eye on the local population as Connor stood waist deep in the chilly river waiting patiently for a fish to cross his path. If she'd had the will to protest, she'd have said something when he stripped off his shirt and jacket, laying them at her feet. Instead, she flicked her eyes away, trying desperately not to ogle him as inch by tanned inch of flesh came into view. When he began unbuckling his trousers, lowering them so that he stood only in his boxer shorts, that's when her pale skin flushed red, her mouth turned dry and the steady beat of her heart in her chest faltered and grew faster.

Connor remained oblivious, rolling up the legs of his boxers until they sat high and tight around his thighs before striding bravely out into the cool water, spear brandished, ready to bring home food. Abby watched as he hooked his foot on a rock, lost his balance and nearly tumbled face first into the river; a short burst of laughter escaped her lips as he righted himself, turning to offer her a playful glare.

"It's not funny, y'know? If I fall 'n hit me head, I could knock myself cold 'n then you'd be stuck doing this. Bit less amusing if it was you out here, yeah?"

She bit her lip, trying to look properly remorseful, but her blue eyes sparkled and gave her away. "Sorry," she said quickly, but her lips tugged upwards and Connor began to echo her grin.

Still, he winked and wagged a finger at her, "Just make sure you're watching for animals, Abby, rather than watching me arse."

"Connor!" She howled, wondering what he'd seen in her smile that fed his courage so strongly, but even as she blushed she silently acknowledged that it was all in good fun. Her laughter faded, however, as her eyes were drawn back to his flesh, muscles moving below the tanned expanse of skin as he stood poised and ready to skewer their dinner. Silently she cursed him for the thought that had her eyes drawn down his body to where the water had forced the thin fabric tight against his flesh, leaving very little to her rampant imagination.

She kept a close eye out for his safety, but her thoughts continued to trail back to moments in their past. The first time he hugged her and she wasn't sure he'd ever let go. When he'd wormed his way into her flat and she'd so grudgingly pressed her lips to his warm cheek. When she'd realized she would miss him if he moved on without her. When he'd brought home a girlfriend and it took every bit of strength she possessed to not claw out Caroline's eyes on the spot. When he'd called out his love for her, taking it back when she couldn't return the words. The way her heart lurched so terribly whenever danger turned to claim his life. The way her heart clenched so brilliantly when her lips crossed over his own. The way her heart shattered so painfully when his eyes died as she took that kiss back. The way he lay in her arms, so peaceful in his unconsciousness that she had to fight tears thinking this was the end for them both.

Theirs hadn't been a normal courtship, quite far from it, but wouldn't that… couldn't that make them all the better for it? Wouldn't they come out stronger together than they had alone in their lives before now? Couldn't it finally be worth the risk?

A fish dropping at her feet startled her from her reverie, and Connor's sparkling brown eyes stole her breath away as she realized she'd been lost in thought far too long to ensure their safety.

"Good thing I wasn't on any menus today, yeah?" He grinned with good nature and reached for her hand to help him from the water.

"Sorry," she whispered again, her gaze trailing down to where their fingers entwined.

"No harm done," he winked. "What was it then? My charming good looks? Gorgeous hair? Or was me arse really that distracting?"

"What?" She looked up at him, completely confused, a hint of red staining her pale complexion.

Realizing she'd not been paying any attention at all, Connor's own cheeks flushed red and he swallowed thickly, suddenly at a loss. "Uh. Nothing. Just joking about. You know me, silly Connor, never serious, right?" He swallowed again as he bent to gather his clothing from the ground. "Probably thinking of your mates at home or something?"

"Yeah," she nodded slowly as she reached down to recover their well earned meal. "You know, it takes some getting used to, this. Sometimes, it's too much to think about."

They moved together, turning back to their shelter, both silent for different reasons. Abby frowned to herself, mulling over each feeling coursing through her, poking at each tug on her heart until she was absolutely certain that this was it.

"Bugger," she whispered quietly when it became all too apparent that somewhere down the line she'd fallen irrevocably in love with the buddy she'd let sleep on her sofa for a week's time.

The buddy she'd kissed without thinking when the last of her walls had fallen and she'd been left emotionally reeling, without protection. The buddy she was now trapped with, alone, farther in the past than the oldest records reached. The buddy she'd now made, once again, question himself because he'd teased her.

Stronger words came to mind as she cursed herself, but rather than vocalize her more violent thoughts, she sighed. It wasn't hard to move to his side, slipping her free hand into his, bringing a half smile to his lips and guarded hope to his eyes.

She supposed she'd done the majority of this to him over the years: taken his confidence and made him question each word that escaped his lips, anything that threatened to rock the tiny ship they'd found themselves piloting through rough waters. They'd always thought that they managed to steer straight, her and Connor, blatantly ignoring any signs that one of them was rowing faster than the other and in reality they'd spent three years circling the same port.

Before she let this go any further, before she let herself step any further beyond her borders than she had already leapt, she figured it was past time she sat down with Connor and told him why she was the way she was. As horrified as she was by her own history, if she was going to let this go any deeper, he needed to know.

She snorted softly to herself, recognizing the situation for what it was: everyone else who knew had left her within days. Given their unique position, Connor was quite literally the only man on Earth who had no where to run.

She sighed. Things were about to get as uncomfortable as they possibly could.

~~~/

When you couldn't imagine a thing wrong with your life, when the day was too beautiful and too perfect to be ruined by anything, those are the days you should stay in bed and hide from the sunlight. Those were the days that the bad things came out to play, and when they were finished their games, nothing was ever the same.

She loved her daddy; he was kind and gentle, silly and playful. With Daddy, her feet never touched the ground, there were always shoulder rides or piggy back rides or when all else failed, there was always her daddy's arms, holding her, keeping her safe.

When Jack came along, he'd divided his time between the two of them. His boy and his girl, he'd called them and they'd giggled and cuddled him, glowing in the warmth of his love.

Her first indication that something wasn't right was when Daddy started staying home all the time. The phone rang constantly, people knocked on the door and made her daddy yell and her mummy cry. There were whispers that she heard when family came over to visit: Daddy had to go to the hospital and see a doctor because he hit a man at work and didn't remember it happening. She saw her daddy come home with a bag full of pills and after that he didn't smile, didn't pick them up, didn't want to do anything anymore. Mummy said the pills were helping him and they'd take away his forgetting times, but to Abby, they were taking away her daddy, and that was just as bad.

Months passed like that, her daddy sitting in the lounge, never leaving. When there was no more money, there were no more pills, and her daddy came back to life, but something was different. Mummy always looked afraid. Daddy was always either really happy or really angry, and the forgetting times terrified them all, but they survived.

The last day she remembered clearly had been a good one; some money came in the mail, so Mummy got the electricity hooked up again and they'd all four gone grocery shopping. They'd even bought some candy for her and Jack and that was brilliant! When they came home, though, the dog had gotten in the rubbish bin and the house was a mess. Abby took Jack into the lounge as Daddy screamed and the dog began to howl in agony. She held her hands over Jack's ears when their mummy's voice joined in.

"You're killing it, David! For God's sake stop! It's just an animal!"

When the dog's yowling was replaced by her mother's shriek of pain and terror, even Abby knew her daddy's bad time was more than they'd ever seen before. She cried silently, rocking Jack in her arms as the screaming grew less and less, and when everything was silent, she finally uncovered his ears.

"Be a good boy, Jackie," she whispered in his ear, "And run upstairs, quiet as a little bitty mouse." She smiled at the little boy even through her own tears, forcing herself to stay brave for him. "We'll play a game, yeah? You hide really good 'n don't come out till I find you." She kissed his cheek softly. "No one but me, 'kay? Or the game's over and you'll lose."

She crawled with him to the staircase and made sure he was running to his room before she began to tremble uncontrollably. She turned towards the kitchen, licking her suddenly dry lips, her tiny little heart beating so heavily she held the wall for support.

"Mummy?" she called softly, so afraid, so very afraid to step through the door. She moved forward, sick rising in her throat the closer she got. "Charlie?" she called for her dog, wanting something, anything to help her chase away the terror stealing the air from her lungs.

Finally she couldn't help it and whimpering she burst into tears, calling for the last pair of comforting arms she could think of. "Daddy? Daddy, I'm scared, please!"

This time when he picked her up, she didn't scream in laughter and delight, but rather in pure agony as his fingers wound into the ponytail she wore and he lifted her off her feet by her hair. She found herself being carried into the kitchen and flung by the hair ripping from her scalp across the red stained floor. Her clothing instantly sucked up the blood, leaving her wet and sticky with it as she sobbed, trying desperately to curl into herself, to hide from her daddy in the doorway, to not notice her whimpering dog next to her, alive but barely, or her mummy lying across the kitchen table, not moving at all.

She swallowed thickly, a sudden intense shudder coursing through her body as she locked onto her mother's sightless gaze and found she couldn't let go. Silence became her best friend then, a deep silence that slowed her pounding heart, that steadied her gasping breath, that wrapped arms of protection around her when her daddy's shadow fell across her once more.

"Where's your brother, then, peanut?" her daddy asked, apparently oblivious to the carnage that used to be where she ate her cereal and finished her homework.

The silence held her safely, however, and stopped her from crying, stopped her from feeling, and stopped the terror as he leaned over her, reaching for what was left of that wretched ponytail one more time. The silence brought a new friend, darkness, and between the two she was spared the rest of the night.

~~~/

Connor couldn't find the force of will to pick his jaw up off the ground or to stop the look of utter horror that contorted his normally beautiful features.

"You can close your mouth now, Connor," Abby lifted an eyebrow, waiting for the usual backing away that anyone who had heard her story usually embarked upon. Instead, she watched his eyes well up with tears and a slow shaking rattle his body.

"How long did you spend in the hospital?" he asked quietly, a question no one had ever asked her before.

She shrugged softly, "In and out for just over a year. Various psychiatric hospitals, a couple dozen doctors."

He swallowed thickly. "And Jack?"

"He never found Jack. He'd hidden himself in one of the drawers under his bed. Police missed him the first time around, didn't find him till morning. He slept through the night, didn't see a thing, doesn't remember anything far as I know."

Connor slipped closer to her, taking her hand in his and stroking her fingers gently. "You did good by him, then, Abby. Any troubles he has now are his own and you shouldn't feel responsible for them."

Abby chuckled wryly, only to look up and into Connor's eyes, pleading with him to understand. "Jack's life is Jack's life, he lives it the way he wants. This isn't about Jack, Connor, it's about you 'n me and what kind of future we could be expecting."

He licked his lips a little uncertainly, his brow furrowed. "Abby, you don't think I'd go all…" He paused, looking for the right words before shrugging helplessly and making a quiet growling noise instead. "All rawr on you, do you?"

She was helpless to stop the laugh from bubbling past her lips, taking a single moment to lean in and brush her lips over his stubbly cheek before slowly sobering again. "No, idiot, not you. Me." She smiled softly, taking away the sting from her words.

Connor blinked. "You're going to go rawr?"

Her smile belied the weight of her words. "The general population has a 1% chance of having schizophrenia. As the child of a schizophrenic, I have a thirteen percent chance. That's a huge, massive percentage." She paused. "And any children I may have would have a five percent chance of having it. Being with me, Conn, is like playing a game of Russian roulette. We'll never know which chamber is loaded." Her smile turned sad and gentle as she stroked his fingers, willing him to understand what she was saying.

He blinked as he assimilated the information, shaking his head as he stretched an arm around her to pull her close to his chest. "You're not your father, and it's been, what? Fifteen years? Do you realize how far medical research as come because of situations exactly like yours? Abby, it's a new world out there for schizophrenics! With the medications alone that are available, it's all a moot point!"

"Look around you, Conn. It's not like there's a chemist down the block, is there?"

He leaned forward and touched his forehead to hers. "And it's not like you're gonna go Freddie Krueger on me over night." He grinned, offering her a small wink. "But if you're worried, I promise that if you do try to eat me in my sleep, I'll try to not visibly enjoy it."

She sighed. "You're ridiculous."

He chuckled. "Yeah, but who're you gonna tell?"

Abby moved away, beginning to put out the fire and pack themselves up for the night. She paused when Connor suddenly cleared his throat, shifting from foot to foot in discomfort.

"Uh, Abby?"

"Connor?"

"Not that I'm complaining, but why'd you tell me this now?"

She swallowed, looking off into the night. "Oh, I don't know. I suppose it's only fair since you're stuck here with me."

"Oh." He nodded, disappointment apparent in his every feature.

She sighed. "And this far out of time, anything can happen, yeah? Best to be prepared."

She didn't miss the way his face lit up or the sparkle that danced to life in his eyes. Mischief, hope, and a dash of longing all met her gaze when she grinned up at him before darting into their den and out of the line of fire.

"What do you mean by anything, exactly? Abby?"

She laughed once inside, knowing she'd taken a giant step for once in the proper direction.

"Abby?"

And she was going to pay for it all night.

~~~TBC


End file.
